#17 MINDSET – HOW TO CHANGE YOUR MIND AND LIFE 5

How to Reduce Stress Transform Your Life and Build Confidence

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What do you think measure the amount of success of a person whether he/she will be successful or not? What’s the first answer that comes to your mind?

I would like to present to you here an idea that is both simple and elegant that answers it. 

THE TWO STATES OF MIND OF CAROL DWECK 

Since the 1970s Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford University, has studied how states of mind influence people’s lives.

Changing your mindset”, there are two types of people: those who have a developmental mindset and those who have a growth mindset. fixed (fixed mindset).

According to the psychologist’s work, those who adopt a developmental mindset are happier and have more success in their lives.

The distinction is based on each person’s answer to this question: how much can I improve?

The fixed mindset

With the fixed mindset, you believe that your qualities, your abilities and your personality are determined at birth, genetically, and that little can be done about them. There are some who are smart and some who are stupid, there are some who are good at math, others who are made for endurance sports, some are born leaders, still others have a gift for music … and the best are always those who have inherited the greatest talent. With the fixed mindset, nature trumps culture.

People with a fixed mindset therefore see their strengths and weaknesses as personality traits, as constituting who they are as a person, and they make their decisions in accordance with these beliefs.

For people with a fixed mindset, the goal is above all to confirm, to prove that they are intelligent.

They are therefore less inclined to take risks. When they make mistakes, they are more likely to think it is due to their natural incompetence, and that there is nothing they can do about it, instead of seeing them as opportunities to learn. They are also more likely to blame others for their failures than to take responsibility and learn from them.

People who adopt this mindset tend to take criticism badly because they take it as a personal attack.

Finally, they do not like difficulty, since they see it as proof that they do not have the skills necessary to perform a task; and since they cannot change, why bother?

The growth mindset

With the development mindset, you believe that your qualities are first and foremost developed by working, and that everyone can improve through hard work and application. No matter where you start from: your personality, skills and competencies can develop. It is the effort that leads to success. Culture is more important than nature.

For people with a developmental mindset, the goal is to learn in order to progress.

Because they believe their strengths are the result of their efforts rather than their genetic makeup, people who adopt this mindset are more likely to:

Undertake projects in which they can learn things, even if in doing so they reveal their weaknesses

• Take risks
• See mistakes and failures as learning opportunities
• Seek criticism and persist in the face of difficulties

Be motivated by obstacles, criticisms, difficulties, because they know that is what paved the way to their success

They don’t see the benefit of being the smartest person in the group.

Because people with a development mindset are more likely to make more mistakes early in their careers, they are better equipped later on to face the challenges of high stakes and big responsibilities.

Now that you know these two mindsets exist, you can choose to embrace the development mindset by changing your beliefs.

THE NEUROLOGICAL EXPLANATION: BRAIN PLASTICITY

One of the most important neuroscience discoveries of our time is neuroplasticity: the fact that our brain is “plastic”, that is to say that it continues to evolve and adapt at any age. 

We have long thought that brain plasticity stops after adolescence, but no, it never stops! 

The more we repeat a behavior, the more the connections of the neurons dedicated to this behavior are reinforced, and the easier the task becomes.

After a while, certain behaviors are so ingrained in us that we create automatisms. Think about your first driving lessons. At the beginning you were probably extremely tense and concentrated, and you couldn’t manage everything: the steering wheel, the pedals, the gearbox, the other motorists, the signs, the speed. You were tired after 1 hour of driving! 

Yet with hard work, it has become easier and easier: the connections of your neurons responsible for driving have multiplied and strengthened, transmitting more information, more easily and in less time. Gestures have become automatic, and now you don’t even have to think about it: you can drive effortlessly while singing Beyoncé.

A NEW VISION OF FAILURE

This research on states of mind highlights the following paradox: the biggest obstacle to success is the absence of failure.

With the fixed state of mind, we avoid challenges because they represent a source of failure, but if our faults are immutable, failure only exposes to the light how bad we are! When we adopt a fixed state of mind, the goal is to perform as many tasks as possible where we are sure to succeed in order to show everyone our qualities and to feel valued.

On the other hand, with a development mindset, we focus on the difficult tasks because they are what make us grow and progress the most. No violinist has become a virtuoso by repeating the same piece over and over again, but on the contrary by trying harder and harder pieces. 

When we adopt this state of mind, the objective is not to prove that we are talented, but to do everything to become so.

CHANGING YOUR LIFE: 3 QUALITIES TO DEVELOP

3 essential qualities must be developed to change your life. Making them your own is a guarantee of positive development. They do, however, require making efforts and freeing yourself from your ego. The life we have is only the mirror of our inner world. It is our conscious or unconscious thoughts that shape our state of mind and ultimately the state of our life. To change your life, it is therefore necessary to begin by making an inventory of what is happening in our mind. Without this any improvement is illusory, and one of the proofs of this is that over the years, nothing changes and everything is repeated.

1. To change your life you have to be honest with yourself

Hiding behind an apology is one of the biggest obstacles to change. Impose this rule: never blame the other person, nor find excuses. Tell yourself that failure means 2 things, either you didn’t want to go down this path, or you didn’t feel capable of it. Ask yourself if what you are doing is really what you want or is it to please others? Or even for fear of when will we say?

2. Have an open mind

How can we expect different results if we do not change our way of proceeding? Develop an openmindedness to welcome new possibilities, new explanations and therefore inevitably new solutions without judgment. The same thoughts lead to the same results, so it is necessary to go to the discovery of new experiences, new ideas.

3. To change your life you have to show courage

To hope for a change of life it is necessary to show courage. Courage is used to clean up relationships and thoughts. It is also used to forgive, to change their habits, to face their fears, the look of others. The cure for fear is action, so take action

4 MINDSET CHANGES TO TAKE TO THE NEXT LEVEL

Have you ever noticed how the changes in the mindset of some leaders allowed them to overcome the bottlenecks in their business? After all, there is so much to deal with when running a business that you can quickly forget everything about the leadership mindset you need to have. Often, this question arises several years later when you find that you are no longer able to grow your business.

I interact with many entrepreneurs and we regularly talk about the mindset and especially that of the leader. You are regularly overwhelmed by doubt when you see your competitors sharing their work on social networks, or when your prospects start to give you attention or when you take a step back to find that you have limiting beliefs that you believe in. hold back. I quickly realized that 4 big fundamental mindset shifts point in the right direction.  

Mindset shift # 1: turn to others

Although it seems obvious, the fact remains that for years I have been able to meet talented individuals whose mindsets were completely skewed because they remained locked in their own work and did not give enough attention to their team. 

As the leader of your organization, everything revolves around you (this is not a derogatory remark), your projects, your service, your ideas, or whatever else you can expect from your business. True management consists of having influence over others by actively listening to each member. So, you can guide them. 

This is the mindset to adopt to boost productivity. Changing behavior by learning to trusting your team and empowering them. You lead, of course the final decision is up to you, but do not neglect the opinions of everyone involved in the project you are developing. 

Mindset change no 2: be result oriented

You will tell me that all bosses are results oriented. Except that in the majority of cases there is a lack of upstream construction to really increase the figure. It’s not just a matter of looking at the results at the end of each month or saying mid-month. 

If you have the right results-oriented mindset, you are guided by clear and reasonable goals, therefore SMART and data-driven goals as much as possible. Your weekly and monthly dashboards should be able to help you do this. 

Performance management should have a rational, emotionless “he said / she said” process that only leads to counterproductivity. Initially, it takes time to set the right goals. You need to thoroughly analyze individual performance indicators and those of the organization so that you can create an accurate roadmap for the year. 

The more encrypted data you have, the better you can track and anticipate results. By starting to monitor your performance indicators closely, you will have the levers to achieve the results you have set. 

Mindset shift # 3: communicate and connect with others

Even if it’s a bit cliché (obviously all leaders should be good communicators), just because it seems obvious, doesn’t mean all bosses are good at conveying their messages. 

If you are leading a remote team or freelancers, this quality is even more important. We often talk about the fact that teleworking isolates workers. 

A good leader not only communicates, but also takes the time to connect people with each other no matter where they are. All means are usable: telephone, emails, videos, conferences, meetings in the premises, etc. You can also meet them or organize team building events to bond with your employees. 

Developing the communication mindset is a great start. If the art of communication is not your cup of tea, learn how to develop this skill to bring your business to greater internal cohesion. Through your message, the goals, mission and vision will be clear to everyone.

Mindset shift # 4: be mindful

Think about it: if you are unaware of how the messages you send arrive or are perceived, how can you manage or influence others towards success? The answer is: you probably can’t. 

Thus, the state of mind of self-awareness is a key element for effective leadership. Without it, you will always be swimming against the current. Throughout my years of coaching, I have met these dynamic leaders who were totally unaware of how their messages were perceived by their recipients. 

Their reactions boiled down to incomprehension and therefore to the easy judgment of “it is the other who understands nothing”. The good news is that with a little work, training towards participative, benevolent and voluntary management, you can develop this appreciated, useful soft skill. By listening carefully, seeking sincere feedback and working on the necessary aspects, you invest in yourself and in your leadership position.

CHANGING YOUR MINDSET TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS

For some, celebrating small victories seems impossible. Instead of acknowledging progress, some of us say to ourselves that we could have done more, that we are not trying hard enough. Our critical selves can have a lot of power and prevent us from giving the best of ourselves.

“When we train for a goal, we think every training has to be perfect and if we can’t do what we wanted then it’s not worth it. We feel ashamed if we fail, then we convince ourselves that it is better not to try at all.

If your own inner critic is keeping you from reaching your goals, try these little mindset changes to get you back on track.

Observe, don’t judge

It’s hard to turn an overly critical state of mind into an overwhelmingly positive state overnight.

That’s why it’s important to start small. “The first goal is to become a simple self-observer,” Instead of seeing yourself and your actions through a critical eye, she recommends staying neutral and observing what is going on. The next time you say to yourself, “Why can’t I reach this goal?” I should be less lax / more productive”, take a step back, change my negative tone and just observe:

“I’ve come a long way”.

Find your five strengths

Gratitude is a powerful deterrent for our inner critic. To ward off any feelings of judgment, you need to suggests identifying five things about yourself that evoke feelings of gratitude. “We often look at what we’re grateful for in our lives, but rarely what we’re grateful for in ourselves. Whether it’s your resilience, your curiosity, or you’re never giving up attitude, pick a few qualities that you are proud of and keep them in the back of your mind. That way when your inner critic hits you will have the power to tell them to shut up.

Give up the “good” and the “bad”

Many of us get caught up in good or bad thoughts when it comes to our workouts. Going to the gym three days in a row? Well, that’s something to be proud of – but didn’t you completely desert that same gym last weekend? Before you know it, your self-criticism is getting out of hand. “We consider everything we do to be ‘good’ or ‘bad’. We eat “good” or “bad” foods, we have “good” or “bad” workouts, we are either on the right straight or on the side. This type of thinking leaves little room for growth and progress. Instead, he suggests cutting yourself off from the game, ditching binary thinking, and remembering, “The fight doesn’t is not synonymous with failure. ” It is also essential to give yourself room to appreciate the work you do.

HOW TO DEVELOP A POSITIVE MINDSET

Good humor, energy and the ability to develop a positive mindset have always been very important to me.

WHAT IS “TO HAVE A PRODUCTIVE STATE OF MIND”?

Before we begin, let me give you my definition of what a “positive mindset” is.

Having a positive state of mind means knowing how to recover from setbacks very quickly, not being overwhelmed by negative events and seeing the best in everything.

This is not to be naive and let it go, of course, but it is to learn to turn each situation around, to adapt events to our objective, to stop “undergoing” life.

I am convinced that energy and good humor begin above all with the decision to appropriate these states of mind. Our happiness, our smile should not depend on the external elements, but rather on our internal state of mind.

A PRODUCTIVE STATE OF MIND NEVER COMES FROM THE OUTSIDE, IT’S A DECISION WE TAKE

To be happy, according to the greatest Greek philosophers, is the ultimate goal of every human being (and frankly who would not want it!).

And if I put energy and good humor at the center of my business, it’s because I am convinced that to be happy, it is not enough to create the environment conducive to our happiness.

In reality, everything starts with our state of mind, our way of seeing things.

We don’t control the facts, but we control our emotions

We hear it a lot: in life, we don’t control what happens to us, we don’t control the facts.

The facts are inherently neutral. It doesn’t happen to you, no one causes it to you. The facts are coming, that’s all. Point. And you have no control over it.

What you can control, however, is your reaction to the emotions aroused by these facts. You can control your reaction to these facts, the way you will perceive them, use them.

We will talk about this in detail a little further down in tip 1.

The key to a positive mindset is making the decision to be. 

Being positive, being in a good mood, it all starts with a decision to be.

It does not depend (and I insist, because it is important) on external facts. It’s a decision we make inside. I DECIDE to be happy. I DECIDE to be positive.

Deciding to be more positive, to adopt a positive attitude, is already having come halfway towards happiness, towards being just happy to live, happy to get up in the morning.

So, the good news in all of this is that having a positive mindset can be learned, developed and built. And when we understand that, we are able to make ourselves happy (life is not beautiful?).

And to help you achieve that, here are the 4 tips that I applied every day and still apply to instill that positive mindset, energy and good humor in my life and in my business. 

TIP # 1 – BE BASED ON THE FACTS (AND DETACH THEM FROM YOUR EMOTIONS)

Detach facts from emotions 

Human beings are by nature based on emotion, and more particularly their reaction to their own emotions or negative thoughts.

As we have seen, the facts unfolding around us are neutral. What is not, however, is the way we react to it.

When you react to something (something that you are told, that you have been done, that you see), you do not react to these facts, you react to the emotion that these facts trigger in you. You are not responsible for what happens to you, but you are responsible for the way you experience it / feel it (this sentence is harsh, but it is the truth).

Personal anecdote 

For the record, a few years ago I met in the streets of Paris a man who yelled behind my back “hey you have a huge ass, you big cow”. If at this moment I reacted very badly (crying crisis, etc.), it is because I was directly under the influence of the emotions that this sentence aroused in me.

The facts, in and of themselves, are neutral: a super moron (and apparently super frustrated) stranger throws me a meaningless sentence just to hurt and piss me off.

My reaction at that moment: to go and lock myself in my room and cry every afternoon. Why? Because it was only a mirror of what I thought of myself on the inside. And because I let myself be reached by my own emotions, and they are the ones that triggered my reaction.

Today, looking back that I have (and all the work done in recent years in personal development ), if the situation happened again I would superbly ignore this guy (or if I’m in a good mood, I would be able to literally running after him screaming for him to marry the fat cow that I am, just to scare him)!

Between the first and the second situation, the facts are strictly the same (the frustrated stranger and the stupid remark). What changes is my reaction to the emotions it generates in me.

How to apply this on a daily basis?

Here is concrete how to use this trick on a daily basis.

Already separate facts from emotions. When you go through a moment that generates a negative emotion in you, ask yourself:

What are the facts? (describe them objectively)

Why do you experience such a reaction of unhappiness / anger / frustration / fear etc.? What does this mean about you and why are you reacting like this?

Then, once this first step is completed, choose how you want to react to it.

You have every right to react (we are not robots after all), but react knowingly, taking back control of your emotions and refusing to be manipulated by them.

TIP # 2 – ALWAYS SEE THE RIGHT SIDE

So yes, I know you’ve heard “you have to see the bright side of things” a thousand times. And I will even put my hand to cut that you are tired of this expression and that right now you want to bite me.

And I also know that it is rarely as simple as they want to tell us.

But if I’m giving you this tip here, it’s because it’s the one that has helped me the most to develop my positive state of mind.

How is it actually done?

Whenever something negative happens to you (or rather something that generates a negative emotion because, we remind you, the facts are by nature neutral), ask yourself the following question:

“What do I get out of it that is productive?” or

“What’s the lesson I take from this?”

So of course, it is often difficult, especially at the beginning.

But the more you practice this reasoning, the more it will become a reflex and the more the positive effects on your life and your state of mind will be felt.

Conditioning your brain to force it to be positive  The beauty of this method is this little phrase:

The more you practice this method, the more your brain will take this new habit and develop it until it becomes an unconscious reflex. At that point you will have won everything, because you will be able to:

You recover much faster from a situation that you feel is negative.

Devote much less negative energy to this situation by focusing only on the positive.

Detach you much faster and easier.

And on top of that, you will activate the law of attraction, and through the power of positive thinking attract positive things into your life.

Do not rush

If I have one tip for you to apply this tip, it’s this: don’t rush into creating an optimistic thought or attitude.

At first (and depending on the intensity of what you are going through) you may not be able to immediately see the bright side of something. It’s normal, perfectly normal.

Be kind to yourself and weather the storm any way you can.

Just keep this sentence in mind “what is positive in this for me, what lesson do I take from it” and you will see that a few days, or a few weeks later, you will come to see what I have learned. ‘calls’ the hidden gift ‘, that is, the positive side of things.

TIP # 3 – UNDERSTAND AND ACCEPT THE OTHER AND HIS OPINIONS

Tip # 3 is to understand and accept the other person and their opinions, without taking them personally. Here we come back to detaching ourselves from facts, and the emotions that these generate in us.

Remember the 2nd Toltec accord: “What others say or do is only a reflection of their own reality”.

In reality, no one has infused science. And everyone lives and perceives things through the prism of their own reality, their own experiences, their own beliefs, their own experiences.

Understanding and accepting the other and their opinions, accepting the fact that they live through their own prism, and especially without judging them through our own vision of reality, is one of the keys to developing a positive state of mind. 

It is necessary for that to detach from our own interpretations.

You don’t know what this person has been through, if they have had a shitty day before meeting you, if you are picking up the mess of lots of other people before you.

Don’t take anything personally.

This is the great lesson to be learned from this tip. Once you understand this, you are immune to the judgments and actions of others, and you can maintain your positive day-to-day mindset without letting yourself be affected by external facts.

TIP # 4 – REFUSE TO TAKE THE BAG OF STONES

Ok, last tip to take our thinking a little further (how are you, are you following?).

Being kind, being tolerant, and being very optimistic are key elements in developing a positive mindset. Because they help us to calm our own emotions and especially to detach ourselves, to refuse to undergo what we cannot control.

And I would like to take things a step further.

Having a positive state of mind, being in a good mood, having energy is good.

But that doesn’t mean being silly or manipulable! You can be adorable, but extremely firm.

The story of the bag of stones

Often others (and this is all the more true when we see that you are doing well, that you breathe happiness) will rush towards you in emotional leech mode, will try to pump your energy and suck all happiness out. of your body by showering you with their own misfortune.

They’re going to try to pass what I call their bag of rocks to you.

The stone bag is the negative that we all carry around. A bag full of the negative experiences we have had, our limiting beliefs, our prejudices, our frustrations, our failures, our limits, etc.

We all have a bag of stones, more or less heavy, more or less full. And often people try to pass theirs on us because it’s too heavy for them.

Concretely, these are people who come to talk to you about their problem, to criticize everything that happens to you that is good, to belittle you, to pass on something to do that is not your responsibility, or who will hold your leg and talking to you about their misfortunes for hours (we all have someone like that in our lives).

Refuse to take the bag of stones

Take it for granted: you have the right to refuse to take their bag of stones. And I would even say: you have a DUTY to refuse to take their bag of stones.

Already because you have yours to carry around which is already quite heavy enough like that (even if the tips we have seen so far will help you considerably to lighten it).

But above all because, take my word for it (I was in this case), if you take this bag from them, not only will you weigh yourself down but don’t worry that as soon as you take it, they will go away. look for the next one to pass it on to you too!

And suddenly we end up with two unhappy and weighed down people.

Whereas if you refuse to take the bag of stones, you are able to help the other. In the capacity to refuse to take on his burden, but to help him anyway.

Because by refusing to take his bag of stones, you make sure to remain positive, light and therefore to be able to help him (you cannot save someone who is drowning by drowning with him).

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